Saturday, May 30, 2009


Awesome and stupid have become pretty much the same to me. I don't mean that I say 'awesome' ironically, or that I think awesome things are dumb; I mean that I think everything stupid is awesome. It's a kind of surfer-like Zen type elimination of oppositions or something stupid and awesome like that.

For that reason I keep a list when I'm watching TV on DVD, most of which is stupid and awesome, or listening to NPR (less awesome and usually less stupid) of Stupid/Awesome things I see and hear.

Let me show you it:

-a brainwave amplifier (for telekinesis) which is an oscilloscope
-rocket exhaust=save vs. Dargon Breath or raygun, er, Death Ray
-tofu is the elixir of immortality (The Elixir would do, I suppose) and can make you gay
-giant chickens can be herded to provide ammunition for dung catapults
-white rhino-apes with venomous fangs and razorbacks (mugatas/mugatus, Star Trek TOS)
-Sorceresses called Cunutus (same Star Trek ep.)
-a butler who is not snooty
-mosquito torpedo
-a Howitzer that blasts out fresh blueberry scent (why the hell is that on the list?)
-this one was written by J.M. Straczynski: a mound of melted glass and Giger-stuff housed in a bell-jar room that can INCREASE TENFOLD the EVIL of anyone stepping inside. How many EVIL points do you got? TEN TIMES AS MANY. Oh, and it's called THE EVILGIZER.

-eyes pressed and laminated like flowers
-glowing green HULK RAGE serum (that's from Buffy)
-bloated, hermaphroditic toad-bats spooning their own juices over themselves (that's Huxley on Proust)
-Drownies (they come out in the Witching Hour to drag you to duck ponds and strangle you in the murk)
-a shark bazooka
-chimp-o-rillas (purple monkeys with pink Asimov hair)
-Gators with shells

And the capper: the slothtopus: eight three-toed arms in a ring around a bear-like body with a wide-eyed and beaky head, each tawny-green arm lined with doubled rows of toothy suckers, dental openings, each with a hungry gullet of its own. (I made that one up.)

1 comment:

Christian said...

You have some great ideas there. I would love to play in a fantasy game that was truly fantastic, a game where so many of the feudal trappings were cast off.