Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Playable Races of The Mutant Earth

EDIT #3: It's supposed to be Gamorreans! The Gungans enslaved the Gamorreans!

EDIT #2: I can't believe I forgot the Trollans and their Retarded Magic--hold up, I'm not using an insulting term that used to refer to mentally handicapped people--no, Trollans, like Orko, are unable, when on worlds other than Trolla, to use their magic to its full potential--it's retarded. Other than that, they're floating goblins.

EDIT: I forgot the Mutants of Thundera! (Frogmen, Baboonmen, and the other one. Also Turtlemen and Ratmen, if you know what I mean.)
And there have to be Skunkmen of Eternia. A bunch of 'em. Skunkmen.

These races will be used in my OD&D and Swords & Wizardry campaign.

All Mongo-oids can opt to begin play with knowledge of Mongo-oid space piloting.

Hawkmen (3-D bird-person worldview)
Sharkmen (underwater shark-person worldview, water-breather)
Space Vikings (Lionmen) (bloodlust)

All Thunderans have a Beast State power, a sort of lycanthropic double-self which embodies the idea that "knowledge can't track experience to its lair," except Jaguars who instead have a Spirit Shape and Haunt powers, and other Jedi mind tricks and shit.

Snarfs (see Hobbits)

Can opt to begin play with knowledge of Eternian/Etherian space piloting. Equally proficient with Science and Magick.

Beeman (3-D bird person world view)
Beastman (psychic dominance of beasts)
Merman (underwater shark-person worldview, amphibious)
Snakeman (spitting or gas breathing)
Lizardmen (tail slap, rending claw and jaw)
Mossman (Swamp Thing or Man-Thing)

Can opt to begin play with knowledge of Eternian/Etherian space piloting.

Rebellion races are proficient with Magick
Ice Witch
Talking Furniture (worship a god not made of meat)

Horde races are proficient with Science (by which I mean technology)
Mantennoid (giant head, annoying voice)
Grizzloid (wolly coat, rending claw & jaw)
Horde Robot (worship a god not made of wood, I guess these 'robots' have Cylon software)

New Texans
Can opt to begin play with knowledge of New Texan space piloting.

Robot Horse (built-in raygun)

Gungans (originally diaspora from the wreckage of Naboo (Death Star III), they conquered the Gamorrean homeworld and enslaved the natives)
Gamorreans (the Gungans of the Gungans)
Gorns (tail slap, rending claw and jaw)

Why not?


Bored and/or unserious players (wait a minute, did I even read the rest of this list?) can play one of these races:

Prairie People

They're all essentially Goblins.


Jeff Rients said...

Whoa, man. My mind, she is blown.

Sham aka Dave said...

Talking Furniture (worship a god not made of meat.

That made me LOL.

Then I got to They're all essentially Goblins.

Good stuff! Even better if "They're all essentially Goblins" applies to everything in the exhaustive list above (not just the Hobbitfolk). Heh. ;-)

Chris said...


Prairie People"

You sick, sick man. Love it!

Ick the Ark said...


Glad I could make you laugh, Dave.

Chris, I want you to imagine Snarf, a Robear-Berbil, and Deputy Fuzz, out of their gourds on spin, arguing about who gets to keep the Lavender Death Laser they found behind the bureau of the evil sorceress queen.

Tommy Smith said...

I find having a ray gun in my horse to be an extremely attractive concept. By the way, what mythos is the New Texan from?

Ick the Ark said...

New Texas is home to Marshal Bravestarr, who had a sidekick called 30-30, a talking robot horse whom Bravestarr sometimes rode. He had a two-legged form and a sort of rocket-horse form.

Unknown said...

God's balls man! This is the good stuff. Until now, I never knew how badly I wanted to create monster stats for Care Bears using powers derived from AD&D's Prismatic spells...

Also, a D&D world that has Snarfs means that somewhere there's probably a Snarf version of Drizz't, all emo and Snarfy, which I'll take over the real Drizz't anyday.

You know, I also got Phillip Pullman on that quiz, though I expected to be a Gene Wolfe (and things may have been different if the quiz included a Steve Gerber option).

Ick the Ark said...

Hey, thanks Booberry!

You're on to something good with the Prismatic Spray Bears. I'm stealing it.

Gerber did development for Thundar the Barbarian didn't he? I've got to get out to a fansite and gather some more races!

Unknown said...

Yes, Gerber was the creator. Wikipedia lists Joe Ruby on the Thundarr page, but the Steve Gerber page gets it right. Also, with Toth and Kirby doing character designs, that show might have had one of the best creative teams in animation.